Recently I came across this web page that translates English into Swedish Chef, Jive, Valley Girl and Pig Latin. So, naturally I had to paste in Barack Obama's 2010 State of the Union Address.
Enjoy.
Oh, and the original.
Anyway, without further ado, the 2010 State of the Union address in Jive:
THE PRESIDENT: Madam Speaker, Vice President Biden, members uh Congress, distin'uished guests, and fellow Americans, dig dis: Our Constitushun declares dat fum time t'time, de President shall give t'Congress info'mashun about da damn state uh our union.
'S coo', bro.
Fo' 220 years, our leaders gots' fulfilled dis duty.
Slap mah fro! Dey've done so's durin' puh'iods uh prospuh'ity and tranquility.
Slap mah fro! And dey've done so's in de midst uh war and depression; at moments uh great strife and great struggle.
What it is, Mama! It's temptin' t'look back on dese moments and assume dat our progress wuz inevitable -– dat America wuz always destined t'succeed.
But when de Union wuz turned back at Bull Run, and da damn Allies fust landed at Omaha Beach, victo'y wuz real much in doubt.
When de market crashed on Black Tuesday, and civil rights marchers wuz whup'en on Bloody Sunday, de future wuz anydin' but certain.
'S coo', bro.
Dese wuz de times dat tested da damn courage uh our convicshuns, and da damn strengd uh our union.
'S coo', bro.
And despite all our divisions and disagreements, our hesitashuns and our fears, America prevailed cuz' we chose t'move fo'ward as one nashun, as one sucka's.
Again, we are tested.
And again, we must answa' histo'y's call.
One year ago, ah' took office amid two wars, an economy rocked by some severe recession, some financial system on de verge uh collapse, and some guv'ment deeply in debt.
Expuh'ts fum across de political spectrum warned dat if we dun did not act, we might face some second depression.
'S coo', bro.
So we acted -– immediately and aggressively.
Slap mah fro! And one year later, de wo'st uh de sto'm gots'ta passed.
But da damn devastashun remains.
One in 10 Americans still kinnot find wo'k.
Many businesses gots' shuttered.
Home values gots' declined.
Small towns and rural communities gots' been hit especially hard.
And fo' dose who'd already knode poverty, life gots'ta become dat much harder.
Ah be baaad...
Dis recession gots'ta also compounded da damn burdens dat America's families gots' been dealin' wid fo' decades –- de burden uh wo'kin' harda' and longa' fo' less; uh bein' unable t'save enough t'retire o' help kids wid college.
What it is, Mama! So ah' know de anxieties dat are out dere right now.
Dey're not new.
Dese struggles are da damn reason ah' ran fo' President.
Dese struggles are whut I've witnessed fo' years in places likes Elkhart, Indiana; Galesburg, Illinois.
ah' hear about dem in de letters dat ah' read each night.
De toughest t'read are dose written by children -– ax'in' why dey gots'ta move fum deir crib, ax'in' when deir mom o' dad gots'ta be able t'go back t'wo'k.
Fo' dese Americans and so's many oders, change gots'ta not mosey on down fast enough.
Some are frustrated; some are angry.
Slap mah fro! Dey duzn't dig it why it seems likes bad-ass behavio' on Wall Street be rewarded, but hard wo'k on Main Street isn't; o' why Washin'ton gots'ta been unable o' unwillin' t'solve any uh our problems.
Dey're tired uh de partisanship and da damn shoutin' and da damn pettiness.
Dey know we kin't affo'd it.
Not now.
So we face big-ass and difficult challenges.
And whut de American sucka's hope -– whut dey deserve -– be fo' all uh us, Democrats and Republicans, t'wo'k drough our differences; t'overcome da damn numbin' weight uh our politics.
Fo' while da damn sucka's who sent us here gots' different backgrounds, different sto'ies, different beliefs, de anxieties dey face are da damn same.
What it is, Mama! De aspirashuns dey hold are shared, dig dis: some job dat pays de bills; some chance t'get a'haid; most uh all, de ability t'give deir children some betta' life.
What it is, Mama! You's know whut else dey share? Dey share some stubbo'n resilience in de face uh adversity.
Slap mah fro! Afta' one uh de most difficult years in our histo'y, dey remain busy buildin' cars and teachin' kids, startin' businesses and goin' back t'farm.
Dey're coachin' Little League and helpin' deir neighbo's.
One mama wrote t'me and said, "We are strained but hopeful, strugglin' but encouraged." It's cuz' of dis spirit -– dis great decency and great strengd -– dat ah' gots' neva' been mo'e hopeful about America's future dan ah' am tonight.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Despite our hardships, our union be strong.
We do not give down.
We do not quit.
We do not allow fear o' division t'boogie our spirit.
In dis new decade, it's time da damn American sucka's git some guv'ment dat matches deir decency; dat embodies deir strengd.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) And tonight, tonight I'd likes t'rap about how togeda' we kin deliva' on dat promise.
What it is, Mama! It begins wid our economy.
Slap mah fro! Our most urgent tax' downon takin' office wuz t'sho'e down de same banks dat helped cause dis crisis.
It wuz not easy t'do.
And if dere's one wahtahmellun dat gots'ta unified Democrats and Republicans, and everybody in between, it's dat we all hated da damn bank bailout.
ah' hated it -- (applause.
What it is, Mama!) ah' hated it.
You's hated it.
It wuz about as popular as some root kinal.
(Laughter.
Ah be baaad...) But when ah' ran fo' President, ah' promised ah' wouldn't plum do whut wuz popular -– ah' would do whut wuz necessary.
Slap mah fro! And if we had allowed da damn meltwaaay down uh de financial system, unemployment might be double whut it be today.
Slap mah fro! Mo'e businesses would certainly gots' closed.
Mo'e cribs would gots' sho' nuffly been lost.
So ah' sdownpo'ted da damn last administrashun's effo'ts t'create da damn financial rescue honky code.
And when we took dat honky code over, we made it mo'e transparent and mo'e accountable.
What it is, Mama! And as some result, de markets are now stabilized, and we've recovered most uh de bre'd we spent on de banks.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Most but not all.
To recova' de rest, I've proposed some fee on de big-assgest banks.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Now, ah' know Wall Street isn't keen on dis idea.
Sheeeiit.
But if dese firms kin affo'd t'hand out big-ass bonuses again, dey kin affo'd some modest fee t'pay back de taxpayers who rescued dem in deir time uh need.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Now, as we stabilized da damn financial system, we also took steps t'get our economy growin' again, save as many jobs as possible, and help Americans who had become unemployed.
Dat's why we 'estended o' increased unemployment benefits fo' mo'e dan 18 million Americans; made heald insurance 65 puh'cent cheapuh' fo' families who git deir coverage drough COBRA; and passed 25 different tax cuts.
Now, let me repeat, dig dis: We cut taxes.
We cut taxes fo' 95 puh'cent uh wo'kin' families.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) We cut taxes fo' little-ass businesses.
We cut taxes fo' fust-time cribstealers.
We cut taxes fo' parents tryin' t'care fo' deir children.
'S coo', bro.
We cut taxes fo' 8 million Americans payin' fo' college.
What it is, Mama! (Applause.
What it is, Mama!) I dought I'd git some applause on dat one.
What it is, Mama! (Laughta' and applause.
What it is, Mama!) As some result, millions uh Americans had mo'e t'spend on gas and food and oda' necessities, all uh which helped businesses keep mo'e wo'kers.
And we aint raised income taxes by some sin'le dime on some sin'le sucka'.
Not some sin'le dime.
What it is, Mama! (Applause.
What it is, Mama!) A'cuz uh de steps we took, dere are about two million Americans wo'kin' right now who would oderwise be unemployed.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Two hundred dousand wo'k in construcshun and clean energy; 300,000 are teachers and oda' educashun wo'kers.
Tens uh dousands are cops, firefighters, co'recshunal officers, fust responders.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) And we're on track t'add anoda' one and some half million jobs t'dis total by de end uh de year.
Ah be baaad...
De plan dat gots'ta made all uh dis possible, fum de tax cuts t'de jobs, be de Recovery Act.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Dat's right -– de Recovery Act, also knode as de stimulus bill.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Economists on de left and da damn right say dis bill gots'ta helped save jobs and avert disaster.
Ah be baaad...
But ya' duzn't gots'ta snatch deir wo'd fo' it.
Talk t'de little-ass business in Phoenix dat gots'ta triple its wo'kfo'ce cuz' of de Recovery Act.
Talk t'de window manufactura' in Philadelphia who said he used t'be skeptical about da damn Recovery Act, until he had t'add two mo'e wo'k shifts plum a'cuz uh de business it created.
Talk t'de sin'le teacha' raisin' two kids who wuz told by ha' principal in de last week uh farm dat cuz' of de Recovery Act, she wouldn't be laid off afta' all.
Dere are sto'ies likes dis all across America.
Sheeeiit.
And afta' two years uh recession, de economy be growin' again.
'S coo', bro.
Retirement funds gots' started t'gain back some uh deir value.
What it is, Mama! Businesses are beginnin' t'invest again, and slowly some are startin' t'hire again.
'S coo', bro.
But ah' realize dat fo' every success sto'y, dere are oda' sto'ies, uh men and honky chicks who wake down wid de anguish uh not knowin' where deir next paycheck gots'ta come fum; who t'row out resumes week afta' week and hear nodin' in response.
What it is, Mama! Dat be why jobs must be our number-one focus in 2010, and dat's why I'm callin' fo' some new jobs bill tonight.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Now, de true engine uh job creashun in dis country gots'ta always be America's businesses.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) But guv'ment kin create da damn condishuns necessary fo' businesses t''spand and hire mo'e wo'kers.
We should start where most new jobs do –- in little-ass businesses, companies dat begin when -- (applause) -- companies dat begin when an entrepreneur -- when an entrepreneur snatch'd some chance on some dream, o' some wo'ka' decides it's time she became ha' own main man.
Drough shea' grit and determinashun, dese companies gots' weadered da damn recession and dey're eyebally t'grow.
But when ya' rap t'little-ass businessowners in places likes Allentown, Pennsylvania, o' Elyria, Ohio, ya' find out dat even dough banks on Wall Street are lendin' again, dey're mostly lendin' t'big-assga' companies.
Financin' remains difficult fo' little-ass businessowners across de country, even dose dat are makin' some profit.
So tonight, I'm proposin' dat we snatch $30 billion uh de bre'd Wall Street banks gots' repaid and use it t'help community banks give little-ass businesses de credit dey need t'stay afloat.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) I'm also proposin' some new little-ass business tax credit -– one dat gots'ta go t'ova' one million little-ass businesses who hire new wo'kers o' raise wages.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) While we're at it, let's also eliminate all capital gains taxes on little-ass business investment, and provide some tax incentive fo' all large businesses and all little-ass businesses t'invest in new plants and equipment.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Next, we kin put Americans t'wo'k today buildin' de infrastructure uh tomo'row.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) From de fust railroads t'de Interstate 'Sup, dudeghway System, our nashun gots'ta always been built t'compete.
What it is, Mama! Dere's no reason Europe o' China should gots' de fastest trains, o' de new facto'ies dat manufacture clean energy products.
Tomo'row, I'll visit Tampa, Flo'ida, where wo'kers gots'ta soon boogie ground on some new high-speed railroad funded by de Recovery Act.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Dere are projects likes dat all across dis country dat gots'ta create jobs and help move our nashun's baaaads, services, and info'mashun.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) We should put mo'e Americans t'wo'k buildin' clean energy facilities -- (applause) -- and give rebates t'Americans who make deir cribs mo'e energy-efficient, which sdownpo'ts clean energy jobs.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) And t'encourage dese and oda' businesses t'stay widin our bo'ders, it be time t'finally slash de tax boogies fo' companies dat ship our jobs overseas, and give dose tax boogies t'companies dat create jobs right here in de United States uh America.
Sheeeiit.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Now, de House gots'ta passed some jobs bill dat includes some uh dese steps.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) As de fust o'da' of business dis year, ah' urge da damn Senate t'do de same, and ah' know dey will.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Dey will.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) People are out uh wo'k.
Dey're hurtin'.
Dey need our help.
And ah' wants' some jobs bill on mah' desk widout delay.
Slap mah fro! (Applause.
What it is, Mama!) But da damn trud is, dese steps won't make down fo' de seven million jobs dat we've lost ova' de last two years.
De only way t'move t'full employment be to lay some new foundashun fo' long-term economic growd, and finally address de problems dat America's families gots' confronted fo' years.
We kin't affo'd anoda' so-called economic "'spansion" likes de one fum de last decade –- whut some call de "lost decade" -– where jobs grew mo'e slowly dan durin' any prio' 'espansion; where da damn income uh de average American cribhold declined while da damn cost uh heald care and tuishun reached reco'd highs; where prospuh'ity wuz built on some housin' bubble and financial speculashun.
From de day ah' took office, I've been told dat addressin' our larga' challenges be too ambitious; such an effo't would be too contentious.
I've been told dat our political system be too gridlocked, and dat we should plum put wahtahmelluns on hold fo' some while.
What it is, Mama! Fo' dose who make dese claims, ah' gots' one simple quesshun: How long should we wait? How long should America put its future on hold? (Applause.
What it is, Mama!) You's see, Washin'ton gots'ta been tellin' us t'wait fo' decades, even as de problems gots' grown wo'se.
What it is, Mama! Meanwhile, China be not waitin' t'revamp its economy.
Slap mah fro! Germany be not waitin'.
India be not waitin'.
Dese nashuns -- dey're not standin' still.
Dese nashuns ain't playin' fo' second place.
What it is, Mama! Dey're puttin' mo'e emphasis on mad and science.
What it is, Mama! Dey're rebuildin' deir infrastructure.
What it is, Mama! Dey're makin' serious investments in clean energy cuz' dey wants' dose jobs.
Sheeit, ah' do not accept second place fo' de United States uh America.
Sheeeiit.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) As hard as it may be, as uncomfo'table and contentious as de debates may become, it's time t'get serious about fixin' de problems dat are hampuh'in' our growd.
Now, one place t'start be serious financial refo'm.
'S coo', bro.
Look, ah' aint interested in punishin' banks.
I'm interested in protectin' our economy.
Slap mah fro! A strong, healdy financial market makes it possible fo' businesses t'access credit and create new jobs.
It channels de savin's uh families into investments dat raise incomes.
But dat kin only happen if we guard against da damn same recklessness dat nearly brought waaay down our entire economy.
Slap mah fro! We need t'make sho' nuff consumers and middle-class families gots' de info'mashun dey need t'make financial decisions.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) We kin't allow financial institushuns, includin' dose dat snatch yo' deposits, t' snatch risks dat dreaten de whole economy.
Slap mah fro! Now, de House gots'ta already passed financial refo'm wid many uh dese changes.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) And da damn lobbyists are tryin' t'kill it.
But we kinnot let dem win dis fight.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) And if de bill dat ends down on mah' desk duz not meet da damn test uh real refo'm, ah' gots'ta t'row it back until we git it right.
We've gots'ta git it right.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Next, we need t'encourage American innovashun.
Last year, we made da damn largest investment in basic research fundin' in histo'y -– (applause) -- an investment dat could lead t'de wo'ld's cheapest solar cells o' treatment dat kills kinca' cells but leaves healdy ones untouched.
And no area be mo'e ripe fo' such innovashun dan energy.
Slap mah fro! You's kin see da damn results uh last year's investments in clean energy -– in de No'd Carolina company dat gots'ta create 1,200 jobs nashunwide helpin' t'make advanced batteries; o' in de Califo'nia business dat gots'ta put some dousand sucka's t'wo'k makin' solar panels.
But t'create mo'e uh dese clean energy jobs, we need mo'e producshun, mo'e efficiency, mo'e incentives.
And dat means buildin' some new generashun uh safe, clean nuclear powa' plants in dis country.
Slap mah fro! (Applause.
What it is, Mama!) It means makin' tough decisions about openin' new offsho'e areas fo' oil and gas development.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) It means continued investment in advanced biofuels and clean coal technologies.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) And, yes, it means passin' some comprehensive energy and climate bill wid incentives dat gots'ta finally make clean energy de profitable kind'a energy in America.
Sheeeiit.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) I's gots'ta be grateful t'de House fo' passin' such some bill last year.
Ah be baaad...
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) And dis year I'm eaga' to help advance da damn bipartisan effo't in de Senate.
What it is, Mama! (Applause.
What it is, Mama!) I know dere gots' been quesshuns about wheda' we kin affo'd such changes in some tough economy.
Slap mah fro! ah' know dat dere are dose who disagree wid de overwhelmin' scientific evidence on climate change.
What it is, Mama! But here's de wahtahmellun -- even if ya' doubt da damn evidence, providin' incentives fo' energy-efficiency and clean energy are da damn right wahtahmellun t'do fo' our future -– cuz' de nashun dat leads de clean energy economy gots'ta be da damn nashun dat leads de global economy.
Slap mah fro! And America must be dat nashun.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Dird, we need t''spo't mo'e uh our baaaads.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) A'cuz de mo'e products we make and sell t'oda' countries, de mo'e jobs we sdownpo't right here in America.
Sheeeiit.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) So tonight, we set some new goal, dig dis: We gots'ta double our 'espo'ts ova' de next five years, an increase dat gots'ta sdownpo't two million jobs in America.
Sheeeiit.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) To help meet dis goal, we're launchin' some Nashunal Expo't Initiative dat gots'ta help farmers and little-ass businesses increase deir 'espo'ts, and refo'm 'espo't controls consistent wid nashunal security.
Slap mah fro! (Applause.
What it is, Mama!) We gots'ta seek new markets aggressively, plum as our competito's are.
What it is, Mama! If America sits on de sidelines while oda' nashuns sign trade deals, we gots'ta lose da damn chance t'create jobs on our sho'es.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) But realizin' dose benefits also means enfo'cin' dose agreements so's our tradin' partners play by de rules.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) And dat's why we'll continue t'shape some Doha trade agreement dat opens global markets, and why we gots'ta strengden our trade relashuns in Asia and wid key partners likes Soud Ko'ea and Panama and Colombia.
Sheeeiit.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Fourd, we need t'invest in de skills and educashun uh our sucka's.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Now, dis year, we've bugger'd drough de stalemate between left and right by launchin' some nashunal competishun t'improve our farms.
And da damn idea here be simple, dig dis: Instead uh rewardin' failure, we only reward success.
Instead uh fundin' de status quo, we only invest in refo'm -- refo'm dat raises student achievement; inspires students t'excel in mad and science; and turns around failin' farms dat steal de future uh too many yung Americans, fum rural communities t'de inna' city.
Slap mah fro! In de 21st century, de best anti-poverty honky code around be a wo'ld-class educashun.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) And in dis country, de success uh our children kinnot depend mo'e on where dey live dan on deir potential.
When we renew de Elementary and Secondary Educashun Act, we gots'ta wo'k wid Congress t''spand dese refo'ms t'all 50 states.
Still, in dis economy, some high farm diploma no longa' guarantees some baaaad job.
Sheeeiit.
Dat's why ah' urge da damn Senate t'follow de House and pass some bill dat gots'ta revitalize our community colleges, which are some carea' padway t'de children uh so many wo'kin' families.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) To make college mo'e affo'dable, dis bill gots'ta finally end da damn unwarranted taxpaya' subsidies dat go t'banks fo' student loans.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Instead, let's snatch dat bre'd and give families some $10,000 tax credit fo' foe years uh college and increase Pell Grants.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) And let's tell anoda' one million students dat when dey graduate, dey gots'ta be required t'pay only 10 puh'cent uh deir income on student loans, and all uh deir debt gots'ta be fo'given afta' 20 years –- and fo'given afta' 10 years if dey choose some carea' in public service, cuz' in de United States uh America, no one should go broke cuz' dey chose t'go t'college.
What it is, Mama! (Applause.
What it is, Mama!) And by de way, it's time fo' colleges and universities t'get serious about cuttin' deir own costs -– (applause) -- cuz' dey, too, gots' some responsibility t'help solve dis problem.
'S coo', bro.
Now, de price uh college tuishun be plum one uh de burdens facin' de middle class.
Dat's why last year ah' ax'ed Vice President Biden t'cfro some tax' fo'ce on middle-class families.
Dat's why we're nearly doublin' de child care tax credit, and makin' it easia' to save fo' retirement by givin' access t'every wo'ka' a retirement account and 'espandin' de tax credit fo' dose who start some nest egg.
Dat's why we're wo'kin' t'lift da damn value uh a family's sin'le largest investment –- deir crib.
De steps we took last year t'sho'e down de housin' market gots' allowed millions uh Americans t' snatch out new loans and save an average uh $1,500 on mo'tgage payments.
Dis year, we gots'ta step down refinancin' so's dat cribowners kin move into mo'e affo'dable mo'tgages.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) And it be precisely t'relieve da damn burden on middle-class families dat we still need heald insurance refo'm.
'S coo', bro.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Yes, we do.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Now, let's clear some few wahtahmelluns down.
(Laughter.
Ah be baaad...) ah' dun didn't choose t'tackle dis issue t'get some legislative victo'y unda' my belt.
And by now it should be fairly obvious dat ah' dun didn't snatch on heald care cuz' it wuz baaaad politics.
(Laughter.
Ah be baaad...) ah' took on heald care cuz' of de sto'ies I've heard fum Americans wid preexistin' condishuns whose lives depend on gittin' coverage; patients who've been denied coverage; families –- even dose wid insurance -– who are plum one illness away fum financial ruin.
'S coo', bro.
Afta' nearly some century uh tryin' -- Democratic administrashuns, Republican administrashuns -- we are closa' dan eva' to brin'in' mo'e security t'de lives uh so many Americans.
De approach we've snatchn would protect every American fum de wo'st practices uh de insurance industry.
Slap mah fro! It would give little-ass businesses and uninsho' nuffd Americans some chance t'choose an affo'dable heald care plan in some competitive market.
It would require every insurance plan t'cova' preventive care.
What it is, Mama! And by de way, ah' wanna acknowledge our First Lady, Michelle Obama, who dis year be creatin' some nashunal movement t'tackle da damn epidemic uh childhood obesity and make kids healdier.
Ah be baaad...
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Dank ya'.
She gits embarrassed.
(Laughter.
Ah be baaad...) Our approach would preserve da damn right uh Americans who gots' insurance t'keep deir docto' and deir plan.
'S coo', bro.
It would reduce costs and premiums fo' millions uh families and businesses.
And acco'din' t'de Congressional Budget Office -– de independent o'ganizashun dat bod parties gots' cited as de official sco'ekeepuh' fo' Congress –- our approach would brin' waaay down de deficit by as much as $1 trillion ova' de next two decades.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Still, dis be a complex issue, and da damn longa' it wuz debated, de mo'e skeptical sucka's became.
What it is, Mama! ah' snatch mah' share uh de blame fo' not 'esplainin' it mo'e clearly t'de American sucka's.
And ah' know dat wid all de lobbyin' and ho'se-tradin', de process left most Americans wonderin', "What's in it fo' me?" But ah' also know dis problem be not goin' away.
Slap mah fro! By de time I'm finished speakin' tonight, mo'e Americans gots'ta lost deir heald insurance.
What it is, Mama! Millions gots'ta lose it dis year.
Ah be baaad...
Our deficit gots'ta grow.
Premiums gots'ta go down.
Patients gots'ta be denied da damn care dey need.
Small business owners gots'ta continue t'drop coverage altogeder.
Ah be baaad...
ah' gots'ta not walk away fum dese Americans, and neida' should da damn sucka's in dis chamber.
Ah be baaad...
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) So, as tempuh'tures cool, ah' wants' everyone t' snatch anoda' look at da damn plan we've proposed.
Dere's some reason why many docto's, nurses, and heald care 'espuh'ts who know our system best consida' dis approach some vast improvement ova' de status quo.
But if anyone fum eida' party gots'ta some betta' approach dat gots'ta brin' waaay down premiums, brin' waaay down de deficit, cova' de uninsho' nuffd, strengden Medicare fo' senio's, and stop insurance company abuses, let me know.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Let me know.
Let me know.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) I'm eaga' to see it.
Here's whut ah' ax' Congress, dough, dig dis: Don't walk away fum refo'm.
'S coo', bro.
Not now.
Not when we are so's close.
What it is, Mama! Let us find some way t'come togeda' and finish de job fo' de American sucka's.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Let's git it done.
What it is, Mama! Let's git it done.
What it is, Mama! (Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Now, even as heald care refo'm would reduce our deficit, it's not enough t'dig us out uh a massive fiscal hole in which we find ourselves.
It's some challenge dat makes all oders dat much harda' to solve, and one dat's been subject t'a lot uh political posturin'.
So let me start da damn discussion uh guv'ment spendin' by settin' de reco'd straight.
At da damn beginnin' uh de last decade, de year 2000, America had some budget surplus uh ova' $200 billion.
'S coo', bro.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) By de time ah' took office, we had some one-year deficit uh ova' $1 trillion and projected deficits uh $8 trillion ova' de next decade.
What it is, Mama! Most uh dis wuz de result uh not payin' fo' two wars, two tax cuts, and an 'espensive prescripshun drug honky code.
On top uh dat, de effects uh de recession put some $3 trillion hole in our budget.
All dis wuz befo'e ah' walked in de doo'.
(Laughta' and applause.
What it is, Mama!) Now -- plum statin' de facts.
Now, if we had snatchn office in o'dinary times, ah' would gots' likesd nodin' mo'e dan t'start brin'in' waaay down de deficit.
But we took office amid some crisis.
And our effo'ts t'prevent some second depression gots' added anoda' $1 trillion t'our nashunal debt.
Dat, too, be a fact.
I'm absolutely convinced dat wuz de right wahtahmellun t'do.
But families across de country are tightenin' deir belts and makin' tough decisions.
De federal guv'ment should do de same.
What it is, Mama! (Applause.
What it is, Mama!) So tonight, I'm proposin' specific steps t'pay fo' de trillion dollars dat it took t'rescue da damn economy last year.
Ah be baaad...
Startin' in 2011, we are prepared t'freeze guv'ment spendin' fo' dree years.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Spendin' related t'our nashunal security, Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security gots'ta not be affected.
But all oda' discreshunary guv'ment honky codes will.
Like any cash-strapped family, we gots'ta wo'k widin some budget t'invest in whut we need and sacrifice whut we duzn't.
And if ah' gots'ta enfo'ce dis discipline by veto, ah' will.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) We gots'ta continue t'go drough de budget, line by line, page by page, t'eliminate honky codes dat we kin't affo'd and duzn't wo'k.
We've already identified $20 billion in savin's fo' next year.
Ah be baaad...
To help wo'kin' families, we'll 'estend our middle-class tax cuts.
But at some time uh reco'd deficits, we gots'ta not continue tax cuts fo' oil companies, fo' investment fund managers, and fo' dose makin' ova' $250,000 some year.
Ah be baaad...
We plum can't affo'd it.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Now, even afta' payin' fo' whut we spent on mah' watch, we'll still face da damn massive deficit we had when ah' took office.
What it is, Mama! Mo'e impo'tantly, de cost uh Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security gots'ta continue t'skyrocket.
Dat's why I've called fo' some bipartisan fiscal commission, modeled on some proposal by Republican Judd Gregg and Democrat Kent Conrad.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Dis kin't be one uh dose Washin'ton gimmicks dat lets us pretend we solved some problem.
'S coo', bro.
De commission gots'ta t'provide some specific set uh solushuns by some certain wastedline.
What it is, Mama! Now, yesterday, de Senate blocked some bill dat would gots' created dis commission.
'S coo', bro.
So I'll issue an 'esecutive o'da' dat gots'ta allow us t'go fo'ward, cuz' I refuse t'pass dis problem on t'anoda' generashun uh Americans.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) And when de vote comes tomo'row, de Senate should resto'e da damn pay-as-ya'-go law dat wuz some big-ass reason fo' why we had reco'd surpluses in de 1990s.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Now, ah' know dat some in mah' own party gots'ta argue dat we kin't address de deficit o' freeze guv'ment spendin' when so's many are still hurtin'.
And ah' agree -- which be why dis freeze won't snatch effect until next year -- (laughter) -- when de economy be stronger.
Ah be baaad...
Dat's how budgetin' wo'ks.
(Laughta' and applause.
What it is, Mama!) But dig it –- dig it if we duzn't snatch meanin'ful steps t'rein in our debt, it could damage our markets, increase da damn cost uh bo'rowin', and jeopardize our recovery -– all uh which would gots' an even wo'se effect on our job growd and family incomes.
From some on de right, ah' 'spect we'll hear some different argument -– dat if we plum make fewa' investments in our sucka's, 'estend tax cuts includin' dose fo' de wealdia' Americans, eliminate mo'e regulashuns, maintain de status quo on heald care, our deficits gots'ta go away.
Slap mah fro! De problem be dat's whut we dun did fo' eight years.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Dat's whut helped us into dis crisis.
It's whut helped lead t'dese deficits.
We kin't do it again.
'S coo', bro.
Rada' dan fight da damn same tired battles dat gots' dominated Washin'ton fo' decades, it's time t'try sump'n new.
Let's invest in our sucka's widout leavin' dem some mountain uh debt.
Let's meet our responsibility t'de citizens who sent us here.
What it is, Mama! Let's try common sense.
What it is, Mama! (Laughter.
Ah be baaad...) A novel concept.
To do dat, we gots'ta recognize dat we face mo'e dan some deficit uh dollars right now.
We face some deficit uh trust -– deep and co'rosive doubts about how Washin'ton wo'ks dat gots' been growin' fo' years.
To close dat credibility gap we gots'ta snatch acshun on bod ends uh Pennsylvania Avenue -- t'end da damn outsized influence uh lobbyists; t'do our wo'k openly; t'give our sucka's de guv'ment dey deserve.
What it is, Mama! (Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Dat's whut ah' came t'Washin'ton t'do.
Dat's why -– fo' de fust time in histo'y –- mah' administrashun posts on our White House visito's online.
What it is, Mama! Dat's why we've 'sluded lobbyists fum policymakin' jobs, o' seats on federal bo'ds and commissions.
But we kin't stop dere.
What it is, Mama! It's time t'require lobbyists t'disclose each contact dey make on behalf uh a client wid mah' administrashun o' wid Congress.
It's time t'put strict limits on de contribushuns dat lobbyists give t'candun didates fo' federal office.
What it is, Mama! Wid all due deference t'separashun uh powers, last week de Sdownreme Court reversed some century uh law dat ah' believe gots'ta jimmey de floodgates fo' special interests –- includin' fo'eign co'po'ashuns –- t'spend widout limit in our elecshuns.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) ah' duzn't dink American elecshuns should be bankrolled by America's most powerful interests, o' wo'se, by fo'eign entities.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Dey should be decided by de American sucka's.
And I'd urge Democrats and Republicans t'pass some bill dat helps t'co'rect some uh dese problems.
I'm also callin' on Congress t'continue waaay down de alley uh earmark refo'm.
'S coo', bro.
Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Democrats and Republicans.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Democrats and Republicans.
You's've trimmed some uh dis spendin', ya''ve embraced some meanin'ful change.
What it is, Mama! But resto'in' de public trust demands mo'e.
What it is, Mama! Fo' 'esample, some members uh Congress post some earmark requests online.
What it is, Mama! (Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Tonight, I'm callin' on Congress t'publish all earmark requests on some sin'le Web site befo'e dere's some vote, so's dat da damn American sucka's kin see how deir bre'd be bein' spent.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Of course, none uh dese refo'ms gots'ta even happen if we duzn't also refo'm how we wo'k wid one anoder.
Ah be baaad...
Now, I'm not naïve.
What it is, Mama! ah' neva' dought dat da damn mere fact uh my elecshun would usha' in peace and harmony -- (laughter) -- and some post-partisan era.
Sheeeiit.
ah' knowed dat bod parties gots' fed divisions dat are deeply entrenched.
And on some issues, dere are simply philosophical differences dat gots'ta always cause us t'part ways.
Dese disagreements, about da damn role uh guv'ment in our lives, about our nashunal prio'ities and our nashunal security, dey've been takin' place fo' ova' 200 years.
Dey're da damn very essence uh our democracy.
Slap mah fro! But whut frustrates de American sucka's be a Washin'ton where every day be Elecshun Day.
Slap mah fro! We kin't wage some puh'petual campaign where da damn only goal be to see who kin git de most embarrassin' 'haidlines about da damn oda' side -– some belief dat if ya' lose, ah' win.
'S coo', bro.
Neida' party should delay o' obstruct every sin'le bill plum a'cuz dey kin.
De confirmashun uh -- (applause) -- I'm speakin' t'bod parties now.
De confirmashun uh sheeit-qualified public servants shouldn't be held hostage t'de pet projects o' grudges uh a few individual senato's.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Washin'ton may dink dat sayin' anydin' about da damn oda' side, no matta' how false, no matta' how malicious, be plum part uh de game.
What it is, Mama! But it's precisely such politics dat gots'ta stopped eida' party fum helpin' de American sucka's.
Wo'se yet, it's sowin' furda' division among our citizens, furda' distrust in our guv'ment.
So, no, ah' gots'ta not give down on tryin' t'change da damn tone uh our politics.
ah' know it's an elecshun year.
Ah be baaad...
And afta' last week, it's clear dat campaign feva' has mosey on down even earlia' dan usual.
But we still need t'govern.
'S coo', bro.
To Democrats, ah' would remind ya' dat we still gots' de largest majo'ity in decades, and da damn sucka's 'espect us t'solve problems, not run fo' de hills.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) And if de Republican leadership be goin' t'insist dat 60 votes in de Senate are required t'do any business at all in dis town -- some sdownermajo'ity -- den de responsibility t'govern be now yo's as sheeit.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Just sayin' no t'everydin' may be baaaad sho't-term politics, but it's not leadership.
We wuz sent here t'serve our citizens, not our ambishuns.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) So let's show de American sucka's dat we kin do it togeder.
Ah be baaad...
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Dis week, I'll be addressin' some meetin' uh de House Republicans.
I'd likes t'begin mondly meetin's wid bod Democratic and Republican leadership.
ah' know ya' kin't wait.
(Laughter.
Ah be baaad...) Droughout our histo'y, no issue gots'ta united dis country mo'e dan our security.
Slap mah fro! Sadly, some uh de unity we felt afta' 9/11 gots'ta dissipated.
We kin argue all we wants' about who's t'blame fo' dis, but I'm not interested in re-litigatin' de past.
ah' know dat all uh us love dis country.
Slap mah fro! All uh us are committed t'its defense.
What it is, Mama! So let's put aside da damn farmyard taunts about who's tough.
Let's reject da damn false choice between protectin' our sucka's and downholdin' our values.
Let's leave behind da damn fear and division, and do whut it snatch'd t'defend our nashun and fo'ge some mo'e hopeful future -- fo' America and fo' de wo'ld.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Dat's de wo'k we began last year.
Ah be baaad...
Since da damn day ah' took office, we've renewed our focus on de terro'ists who dreaten our nashun.
We've made substantial investments in our cribland security and disrdownted plots dat dreatened t' snatch American lives.
We are fillin' unacceptable gaps revealed by de failed Christmas attack, wid betta' airline security and swifta' acshun on our intelligence.
What it is, Mama! We've prohibited to'ture and strengdened partnerships fum de Pacific t'Soud Asia t'de Arabian Peninsula.
Sheeeiit.
And in de last year, hundreds uh al Qaeda's fighters and affiliates, includin' many senio' leaders, gots' been captured o' wasted -- far mo'e dan in 2008.
And in Afghanistan, we're increasin' our troops and trainin' Afghan security fo'ces so's dey kin begin t' snatch de lead in July uh 2011, and our troops kin begin t'come crib.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) We gots'ta reward baaaad governance, wo'k t'reduce co'rdownshun, and sdownpo't da damn rights uh all Afghans -- dudes and honky chicks alikes.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) We're joined by allies and partners who gots' increased deir own commitments, and who gots'ta come togeda' tomo'row in London t'reaffirm our common purpose.
What it is, Mama! Dere gots'ta be difficult days a'haid.
But ah' am absolutely confident we gots'ta succeed.
As we snatch de fight t'al Qaeda, we are responsibly leavin' Iraq t'its sucka's.
As some candun didate, ah' promised dat ah' would end dis war, and dat be whut ah' am doin' as President.
We gots'ta all uh our combat troops out uh Iraq by de end uh dis August.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) We gots'ta sdownpo't da damn Iraqi guv'ment -- we gots'ta sdownpo't da damn Iraqi guv'ment as dey hold elecshuns, and we gots'ta continue t'partna' wid de Iraqi sucka's t'promote regional peace and prospuh'ity.
Slap mah fro! But make no mis snatch: Dis war be endin', and all uh our troops are comin' crib.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Tonight, all uh our dudes and honky chicks in unifo'm -- in Iraq, in Afghanistan, and around da damn wo'ld –- dey gots'ta know dat we -- dat dey gots' our respect, our gratitude, our full sdownpo't.
And plum as dey must gots' de resources dey need in war, we all gots' some responsibility t'sdownpo't dem when dey mosey on down crib.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Dat's why we made da damn largest increase in investments fo' veterans in decades -- last year.
Ah be baaad...
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Dat's why we're buildin' some 21st century VA.
And dat's why Michelle gots'ta joined wid Jill Biden t'fo'ge some nashunal commitment t'sdownpo't military families.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Now, even as we prosecute two wars, we're also confrontin' puh'haps de greatest danga' to de American sucka's -– de dreat uh nuclear weapons.
I've embraced da damn vision uh Raz'tus F.
Kennedy and Rolo Kingfish drough some strategy dat reverses de spread uh dese weapons and seeks some wo'ld widout dem.
'S coo', bro.
To reduce our stockpiles and launchers, while ensurin' our deterrent, de United States and Russia are completin' negotsiashuns on de fardest-reachin' arms control treaty in nearly two decades.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) And at April's Nuclear Security Summit, we gots'ta brin' 44 nashuns togeda' here in Washin'ton, D.C.
behind some clear goal, dig dis: securin' all vulnerable nuclear materials around da damn wo'ld in foe years, so's dat dey neva' fall into de hands uh terro'ists.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Now, dese diplomatic effo'ts gots' also strengdened our hand in dealin' wid dose nashuns dat insist on violatin' internashunal agreements in pursuit uh nuclear weapons.
Dat's why No'd Ko'ea now faces increased isolashun, and stronga' sancshuns –- sancshuns dat are bein' vigo'ously enfo'ced.
Dat's why de internashunal community be mo'e united, and da damn Islamic Republic uh Iran be mo'e isolated.
And as Iran's leaders continue t'igno'e deir obligashuns, dere should be no doubt, dig dis: Dey, too, gots'ta face growin' consequences.
Dat be a promise.
What it is, Mama! (Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Dat's de leadership dat we are providin' –- engagement dat advances de common security and prospuh'ity uh all sucka's.
We're wo'kin' drough de G20 t'sustain some lastin' global recovery.
Slap mah fro! We're wo'kin' wid Muslim communities around da damn wo'ld t'promote science and educashun and innovashun.
We gots' gone fum some bystanda' to some leada' in de fight against climate change.
What it is, Mama! We're helpin' developin' countries t'feed demselves, and continuin' de fight against HIV/AIDS.
And we are launchin' some new initiative dat gots'ta give us de capacity t'respond fasta' and mo'e effectively t'bioterro'ism o' an infectious disease -– some plan dat gots'ta counta' dreats at crib and strengden public heald abroad.
As we gots' fo' ova' 60 years, America snatch'd dese acshuns cuz' our destiny be connected t'dose beyond our sho'es.
But we also do it cuz' it be right.
Dat's why, as we meet here tonight, ova' 10,000 Americans are wo'kin' wid many nashuns t'help de sucka's uh Haiti recova' and rebuild.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Dat's why we stand wid de goat who yearns t'go t'farm in Afghanistan; why we sdownpo't da damn human rights uh de honky chicks marchin' drough de streets uh Iran; why we advocate fo' de yung dude denied some job by co'rdownshun in Guinea.
Sheeeiit.
Fo' America must always stand on de side uh freedom and human dignity.
Slap mah fro! (Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Always.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Abroad, America's greatest source uh strengd gots'ta always been our ideals.
De same be true at crib.
We find unity in our incredible diversity, drawin' on de promise enshrined in our Constitushun: de noshun dat we're all created equal; dat no matta' who ya' are o' whut ya' look likes, if ya' abide by de law ya' should be protected by it; if ya' adhere t'our common values ya' should be treated no different dan anyone else.
What it is, Mama! We must continually renew dis promise.
What it is, Mama! My administrashun gots'ta some Civil Rights Division dat be once again prosecutin' civil rights violashuns and employment discriminashun.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) We finally strengdened our laws t'protect against crimes rolln by hate.
What it is, Mama! (Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Dis year, ah' gots'ta wo'k wid Congress and our military t'finally repeal de law dat denies gay Americans de right t'serve da damn country dey love cuz' of who dey are.
What it is, Mama! (Applause.
What it is, Mama!) It's de right wahtahmellun t'do.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) We're goin' t'crack waaay down on violashuns uh equal pay laws -– so's dat honky chicks git equal pay fo' an equal day's wo'k.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) And we should continue da damn wo'k uh fixin' our bugger'd immigrashun system -– t'secure our bo'ders and enfo'ce our laws, and ensho' nuff dat everyone who plays by de rules kin contribute t'our economy and enrich our nashun.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) In de end, it's our ideals, our values dat built America -- values dat allowed us t'fo'ge some nashun made down uh immigrants fum every co'na' of de globe; values dat roll our citizens still.
Every day, Americans meet deir responsibilities t'deir families and deir employers.
Time and again, dey lend some hand t'deir neighbo's and give back t'deir country.
Slap mah fro! Dey snatch pride in deir labo', and are generous in spirit.
Dese ain't Republican values o' Democratic values dat dey're livin' by; business values o' labo' values.
Dey're American values.
Unfo'tunately, too many uh our citizens gots' lost faid dat our big-assgest institushuns -– our co'po'ashuns, our media, and, yes, our guv'ment –- still reflect dese same values.
Each uh dese institushuns are full uh hono'able dudes and honky chicks doin' impo'tant wo'k dat helps our country prospuh'.
But each time some CEO rewards himself fo' failure, o' some banka' puts de rest uh us at risk fo' his own selfish gain, sucka's's doubts grow.
Each time lobbyists game da damn system o' politicians tear each oda' waaay down instead uh liftin' dis country down, we lose faid.
De mo'e dat TV pundits reduce serious debates t'silly arguments, big-ass issues into sound bites, our citizens turn away.
Slap mah fro! No wonda' dere's so's much cynicism out dere.
What it is, Mama! No wonda' dere's so's much disappointment.
I campaigned on de promise uh change –- change we kin recon' in, de slogan went.
And right now, ah' know dere are many Americans who ain't sho' nuff if dey still recon' we kin change –- o' dat ah' can deliva' it.
But rememba' dis –- ah' neva' suggested dat change would be easy, o' dat ah' could do it alone.
What it is, Mama! Democracy in some nashun uh 300 million sucka's kin be noisy and messy and complicated.
And when ya' try t'do big-ass wahtahmelluns and make big-ass changes, it stirs passions and controversy.
Slap mah fro! Dat's plum how it is.
Dose uh us in public office kin respond t'dis reality by playin' it safe and avoid tellin' hard truds and pointin' fin'ers.
We kin do whut's necessary t'keep our poll numbers high, and git drough de next elecshun instead uh doin' whut's best fo' de next generashun.
But ah' also know dis, dig dis: If sucka's had made dat decision 50 years ago, o' 100 years ago, o' 200 years ago, we wouldn't be here tonight.
De only reason we are here be a'cuz generashuns uh Americans wuz unafraid t'do whut wuz hard; t'do whut wuz needed even when success wuz uncertain; t'do whut it took t'keep de dream uh dis nashun alive fo' deir children and deir grandchildren.
'S coo', bro.
Our administrashun gots'ta had some political setbacks dis year, and some uh dem wuz deserved.
But ah' wake down every day knowin' dat dey ainthin' compared t'de setbacks dat families all across dis country gots' faced dis year.
Ah be baaad...
And whut keeps me goin' -– whut keeps me fightin' -– be dat despite all dese setbacks, dat spirit uh determinashun and optimism, dat fundamental decency dat gots'ta always been at da damn co'e uh de American sucka's, dat lives on.
'S coo', bro.
It lives on in de strugglin' little-ass business owna' who wrote t'me uh his company, "None uh us," he said, "…are willin' t'consider, even slightly, dat we might fail." It lives on in de mama who said dat even dough she and ha' neighbo's gots' felt da damn pain uh recession, "We are strong.
We are resilient.
We are American.
'S coo', bro." It lives on in de 8-year-old boy in Louisiana, who plum sent me his allowance and ax'ed if ah' would give it t'de sucka's uh Haiti.
Ya' know? And it lives on in all de Americans who've dropped everydin' t'go someplace dey've neva' been and pull sucka's dey've neva' knode fum de rubble, promptin' chants uh "U.S.A..
Right On! U.S.A..
Right On! U.S.A.
Right On! " when anoda' life wuz saved.
De spirit dat gots'ta sustained dis nashun fo' mo'e dan two centuries lives on in ya', its sucka's.
We gots' finished some difficult year.
Ah be baaad...
We gots' mosey on down drough some difficult decade.
What it is, Mama! But some new year gots'ta come.
What it is, Mama! A new decade stretches befo'e us.
We duzn't quit.
ah' duzn't quit.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Let's seize dis moment -- t'start anew, t'carry de dream fo'ward, and t'strengden our union once mo'e.
What it is, Mama! (Applause.
What it is, Mama!) Dank ya'.
God bless ya'.
And God bless de United States uh America.
Sheeeiit.
(Applause.
What it is, Mama!)
